I've got so many problems
Apparently I’ve got a really small penis, one that’s far too inadequate to sexually satisfy my woman, which is exacerbated by the fact that it is constantly impotent. And when I do get it hard – presumably aided with half chopstick splints – it is pointless because I proceed to shoot my load over the belly of the woman. And if that isn’t bad enough I am also morbidly obese too. Thank God that my good friends Brian Wang, Alfonso Q Confucious, Stella M’Bella and Hawk T Slayer were on hand to email about these horrific problems. Without them I would have wandered through life blissfully ignorant of my deficiencies!
Of course, how these people know this is beyond me as I have never actually met them, but who am I to deny their kind words. They have to be my friends because they are offering me solutions to these problems and they know my email address. Brian was kind enough to offer me a course of tablets which will increase my length and girth beyond the 'limits of my imagination' which is pretty big, particularly as the limit of my imagination comes from my 'Big Jonny Holmes' videos from the '70s and '80s. Alfonso offered me C!alis and V1agra which he informed me would cure my impotence problems immediately and give me the staying power to go all night. Hawk felt that my tendency to shoot first would be best dealt with by rubbing mandrake powder over my bell-end, at least that is what I think he was trying to say - Hawk's english isn't very good. Stella was cruel in her assertion, 'Face it, you're too fat,' but she did offer several very good solutions for dealing with my mounds of blubber.
The only problem with these solution is that it requires me sending them money - via Western Union money transfer, which will of course fully protect me if the funds should disappear in Britain's notoriously unreliable postal system. I think! But - wait a second - I thought friends offered you solutions without demanding money for them.
I wonder if they really are my friends after all?
Which is why I declined their kind offers. I'll still with what I've got thank you... and that includes the pittance I've got in my bank account!
And maybe I'll learn to start deleting spam too. Damn my curious mind!
Of course, how these people know this is beyond me as I have never actually met them, but who am I to deny their kind words. They have to be my friends because they are offering me solutions to these problems and they know my email address. Brian was kind enough to offer me a course of tablets which will increase my length and girth beyond the 'limits of my imagination' which is pretty big, particularly as the limit of my imagination comes from my 'Big Jonny Holmes' videos from the '70s and '80s. Alfonso offered me C!alis and V1agra which he informed me would cure my impotence problems immediately and give me the staying power to go all night. Hawk felt that my tendency to shoot first would be best dealt with by rubbing mandrake powder over my bell-end, at least that is what I think he was trying to say - Hawk's english isn't very good. Stella was cruel in her assertion, 'Face it, you're too fat,' but she did offer several very good solutions for dealing with my mounds of blubber.
The only problem with these solution is that it requires me sending them money - via Western Union money transfer, which will of course fully protect me if the funds should disappear in Britain's notoriously unreliable postal system. I think! But - wait a second - I thought friends offered you solutions without demanding money for them.
I wonder if they really are my friends after all?
Which is why I declined their kind offers. I'll still with what I've got thank you... and that includes the pittance I've got in my bank account!
And maybe I'll learn to start deleting spam too. Damn my curious mind!
posted by The Nothing Man at 30.11.06
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home