Video store memoirs - part four (brief stuff)
"D' you have Photonix, mate?"
I looked at the video cover in my hand, the same one he had just looked at, I was slightly confused. "You mean this?" I asked, holding up a video cover with the title Phoenix.
The man smiled. "That's the one. My mate told me about it, he said it's ace."
"Are you dyslexic?"
"No. Why?" asked the man with a befuddled shrug of his shoulders.
"Is he?"
"No. Why?" queried the man with more emphasis.
"No reason," I answered.
***
The man came to the counter with a selection of videos, about eight of them, more than we rented to customers at any one time, and tipped me a wink. "I'll take these, mate."
"You can only hire out four at any one time."
"Really? That's not what I was told."
"Who joined you?"
"Your boss?"
"I doubt that?"
His cheeky chappy smile faded. "You calling me a liar?"
"Not at all. But I know my boss. I think you're mistaken."
"Maybe I am. Anyway, can I take four?"
I shrugged. "Sure. Can I have your card, please?"
"I don't have it."
"Then I can't lend you the videos. You need a card. Sorry!"
The man rubbed his chin. "My girlfriend's got one."
I nodded. "Okay. Well, if you go and get her I can lend you the videos."
"She's abroad."
"Okay!"
"But I've got it with me." The man scrabbled around in his jacket and came up with four empty pockets full of lint, fluff and snotty tissues. "Damn! Can I just give you her name?"
"Why don't you give me your name."
At this point he pushed the videos off the counter and stomped out of the store like a stroppy teenager. "Well, if you're going to be like that then you can keep your videos," he shouted as he slammed the door behind him.
He tried the same stunt four times, with every one of the store employees. The fourth time it happened I was showing a new part-timer the ropes. The man pretended that I never existed despite the fact that I kept saying to him, "But you tried this on me three weeks ago."
As he left for the last time he bellowed, "You're insane. I've never seen you before in my life."
***
One day, at the height of my gambling addiction, a customer left behind a pound coin in the store. During my lunchtime I picked the coin up, took it across the road to a fruit (slot) machine arcade and put it in the first machine I saw.
I won the jackpot twelve times in a row and walked out of the place about a £100 ($200) richer than I was when I walked in.
I went back across the road and continued my shift.
About an hour later the man who left the coin behind walked in. "I left behind a pound coin and some coppers, fella."
"Here you go, " I said whilst handing him the money and tipping him a wink. "You'll never know how glad I was that you did!"
The man frowned at me as he took his money. He kept frowning back in my direction as he made his way out of the store.
To this day he's still probably puzzled by that enigmatic statement.
I looked at the video cover in my hand, the same one he had just looked at, I was slightly confused. "You mean this?" I asked, holding up a video cover with the title Phoenix.
The man smiled. "That's the one. My mate told me about it, he said it's ace."
"Are you dyslexic?"
"No. Why?" asked the man with a befuddled shrug of his shoulders.
"Is he?"
"No. Why?" queried the man with more emphasis.
"No reason," I answered.
***
The man came to the counter with a selection of videos, about eight of them, more than we rented to customers at any one time, and tipped me a wink. "I'll take these, mate."
"You can only hire out four at any one time."
"Really? That's not what I was told."
"Who joined you?"
"Your boss?"
"I doubt that?"
His cheeky chappy smile faded. "You calling me a liar?"
"Not at all. But I know my boss. I think you're mistaken."
"Maybe I am. Anyway, can I take four?"
I shrugged. "Sure. Can I have your card, please?"
"I don't have it."
"Then I can't lend you the videos. You need a card. Sorry!"
The man rubbed his chin. "My girlfriend's got one."
I nodded. "Okay. Well, if you go and get her I can lend you the videos."
"She's abroad."
"Okay!"
"But I've got it with me." The man scrabbled around in his jacket and came up with four empty pockets full of lint, fluff and snotty tissues. "Damn! Can I just give you her name?"
"Why don't you give me your name."
At this point he pushed the videos off the counter and stomped out of the store like a stroppy teenager. "Well, if you're going to be like that then you can keep your videos," he shouted as he slammed the door behind him.
He tried the same stunt four times, with every one of the store employees. The fourth time it happened I was showing a new part-timer the ropes. The man pretended that I never existed despite the fact that I kept saying to him, "But you tried this on me three weeks ago."
As he left for the last time he bellowed, "You're insane. I've never seen you before in my life."
***
One day, at the height of my gambling addiction, a customer left behind a pound coin in the store. During my lunchtime I picked the coin up, took it across the road to a fruit (slot) machine arcade and put it in the first machine I saw.
I won the jackpot twelve times in a row and walked out of the place about a £100 ($200) richer than I was when I walked in.
I went back across the road and continued my shift.
About an hour later the man who left the coin behind walked in. "I left behind a pound coin and some coppers, fella."
"Here you go, " I said whilst handing him the money and tipping him a wink. "You'll never know how glad I was that you did!"
The man frowned at me as he took his money. He kept frowning back in my direction as he made his way out of the store.
To this day he's still probably puzzled by that enigmatic statement.
posted by The Nothing Man at 18.12.06
2 Comments:
Thanks for these fun stories, NN. People are such idiots.
Oh wait, I'm not the cynical one.
Nah, people really are idiots.
Cheers, LFM. I'm surprised how easy it is for me to remember this stuff. It's kind of therapeutic!
People are idiots. Present company excepted, of course!
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