Sarah Kennedy

This woman is easily the worst DJ in Britain, even worse than that fat tub of arse lube Chris Moyles, and may be one of the contributing factors to my constant low-level rage.

She presents a morning slot on Radio 2, which I am forced to listen to because my girlfriend likes Terry Wogan - who follows on from Kennedy - and because I am too lazy to put my foot down and change the station. I'm also forced to listen because the radio is the alarm that wakes me every morning.

All Kennedy does is comment inanely on stories that she has read in the newspaper and more often than not gets her facts completely wrong. This wouldn't be so bad if she didn't commit the worst crime that a DJ can do and that is only play - at best - half a track before rambling over the song with more inane drivel in her annoying clipped, middle-English voice.

For instance, she will play something classic like Otis Redding's 'Dock of the Bay' and something like this will occur:

'Sitting in the morning sun,
I'll be still here when the evening comes,
watching the ships roll in
and I'll watch them roll away again.

I'm sitting on the dock of the bay,
watching the ti-de roll away...'

'And yes, in the Daily Mail on page seven there's a delightful article on the lifespan of the bandicoot. Yes, really informative and, um, it tells how this bird of prey takes off small children in the night...'

Then I'll sit up in bed screaming, 'No, the fucking song's barely started. Oh, you evil fucking bint. Why is this happening?'

Then my girlfriend will say, 'Why don't you calm down?'

'Because, once again, that fucking buffoon has ruined my day.'

She also uses sound effects for comedy...

I thought that particular tehnique had died a death in the eighties. I was wrong. The radio of the eighties is alive and well in the form of Sarah Kennedy.

Right now, I feel nothing but hate. I must end this posting...