Richard Hammond - Hero?

Recently readers of Metro, the free morning publication found on buses, trains and tubes everywhere, voted this man as their hero of 2006.

Excuse me, did I miss a fucking meeting or something? This fool did a test drive in a 300mph car without adequate preparation and fuck-knuckled it, doing himself a nasty on the noggin in the process, and then recovered. And for this he is a hero?

What the fuck?

Here's me with the romantic notion that a hero is somebody who, to quote the dictionary definitions is:

1. a man of distinguished courage or ability, admired for his brave deeds and noble qualities.
2. a person who, in the opinion of others, has heroic qualities or has performed a heroic act and is regarded as a model or ideal: He was a local hero when he saved the drowning child.

Frankly, Hammond falls into neither of these categories. He chose to get into a car he was patently not equipped to handle and fucked it up. Normally, doesn't that brand of stupidity qualify you for a Darwin award?

1.) Reminds me of a conscripted soldier who saves his squadron despite not asking to be in that situation.
2.) Sounds like the exact description above or someone who rushes into a burning building to save somebody from a fire without due thought for their own safety because the person would die otherwise.

These people sound like fucking role models.

Hammond is a TV presenter. He was paid to do a stunt. He chose to drive a car capable of 300mph speeds despite not having enough preparation. He fuck-knuckled it. End of fucking story.

Whilst we're feeling all sentimental over fools who injure themselves or take their own lives through acts of complete stupidity, why don't we wander down to the local Tescos supermarket and lay a wreath for some fucking boy-racer who irreparably fucked himself and his Xenda bodykitted chavmobile whilst trying to do a hand-break turn at 60mph.

"It was here that Barry 'Bazza' Coleman, also known as 'The Coalman' to his friends, did his last handbreak turn. Here was a real hero, living a life on the edge - of Romford - doing feats of speed in his luminous green Xenda bodykitted XR3i that most would never contemplate. He was never one to shirk a challenge, cutting a swathe in his Burberry tracksuit. He was challenged to do it by friends, and despite inadequate preparation attempted to do it anyway. He turned the car several times and broke his neck and his skull. He is survived by his sixteen- year-old wife, Shazza, and their four-year-old daughter Burberry Apple. This wreath is to say we're thinking of you, Bazza - hero and role-model for our times."

Sounds ludicrous in that context, doesn't it?

But if you voted for Hammond then you voted for Bazza writ large.