Back. But only temporarily
My day's been too bad, too repugnant and plain old fucking shite for me to leave it unposted!
I've just discovered how the 'terrorists' will beat Britain.
It won't be with a nuke, a chemical weapon, a dirty bomb or a plain old fashioned suicide bomber.
No. They will beat us with the British snowflake.
You see, our snowflakes are different. They are strange and dangerous. They have powers!
Don't believe me? Well, in Moscow, Prague, Budapest, Warsaw, New York, etc. etc. they have snowfall pretty much every winter, and in abundance I might add, and yet their cities continue to function. They might not get to work as quickly, but the delay - if any - is minimal.
But not here. No, here in London our snowflakes are able to stop overland trains dead in their tracks. Buses are slowed and cowed by their awesome power. Hell, the British snowflake is so powerful it is able to burrow through the concrete, soil and rock in order to stop the tube trains and throw the traffic system into disarray. Our snow can take planes out of the sky and bring cities – oh, there are other cities in Britain beside London, by the way – to a halt.
If you see British snow run from it, hide from it but whatever you do don't try to tackle it. It is seditious, sinister, sly, subversive and strange and, on this alliterative note, it is plain old snow.
And it has ground London to a halt.
God, this city is pathetic!
I've just discovered how the 'terrorists' will beat Britain.
It won't be with a nuke, a chemical weapon, a dirty bomb or a plain old fashioned suicide bomber.
No. They will beat us with the British snowflake.
You see, our snowflakes are different. They are strange and dangerous. They have powers!
Don't believe me? Well, in Moscow, Prague, Budapest, Warsaw, New York, etc. etc. they have snowfall pretty much every winter, and in abundance I might add, and yet their cities continue to function. They might not get to work as quickly, but the delay - if any - is minimal.
But not here. No, here in London our snowflakes are able to stop overland trains dead in their tracks. Buses are slowed and cowed by their awesome power. Hell, the British snowflake is so powerful it is able to burrow through the concrete, soil and rock in order to stop the tube trains and throw the traffic system into disarray. Our snow can take planes out of the sky and bring cities – oh, there are other cities in Britain beside London, by the way – to a halt.
If you see British snow run from it, hide from it but whatever you do don't try to tackle it. It is seditious, sinister, sly, subversive and strange and, on this alliterative note, it is plain old snow.
And it has ground London to a halt.
God, this city is pathetic!
posted by The Nothing Man at 8.2.07
3 Comments:
Hey! I knew you couldn't leave us this way, not entirely.
London is not the only city that is that annoying. We have several feet of snow right now, and all the highways, schools, businesses around are closed for the 5th day in a row ... but Toronto... a few years ago, they got a little more of the white stuff than they are used to, and they had to call in the army to keep things moving.
Big city pussies.
Hey, LFM, I guess I can't stop ranting.
And you've made a fair point in your comment: '...several feet of snow'.
This is about three inches of snow, if that, and the transport system has been bent almost to breaking point!
Army? Snow??
Brilliant!
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