The Big Clearout
Thinking about my Take That entry a few days ago (as I haven't been able to access my computer) I have decided to take the hate one step further.
I am going to give my list of ten abominations (regardless of whether they're people, things, places or situations) that are destined to go in the fucking incinerator forever, with no reprieve or mercy!
I will then nominate others to give their list of ten (if they choose to then nominate others then that is up to them) and they can either vent vent vent or not. The choice is theirs!
Here goes (swear alert):
1) Boy Bands: useless fucking cunts with absolutely no artistic merit or talent. Worthless, prancing pretty boy motherfuckers. Every one of them goes in the incinerator, not one person spared. Oh, you're now an actor Justin? Fuck you, and burn in the flames you Leo Sayer haired fuck!
2) Martin Lawrence: you bellowing, talent-lite, jug-eared, racist homunculoid fuck. His comedy involves nothing more than shouting, mugging and taking the piss out of women and whites. He has all the comic timing and subtlety of a fucked corpse. About as funny as being told you've contracted ebola. Has never made a single funny film. A cunt of the highest order.
3) George W. Bush: worthless, brainless, riding on daddy's coat-tails, paranoid, crusading, born-again Christian, oil thirsty cock-knocking fuck! The most dangerous man on the planet, but too fucking stupid to realise it.
4) Tony Blair: brown-nosing, cowardly, greedy, hypocritical cunt. George's little poodle has helped make the world a more dangerous place. He has overseen Britain's largest ever disparity between rich and poor (even more so than Thatcher). Has overseen the erosion of freedoms in Britain and he has helped create a strand of British politics that favours image over content. He. Is. A. Cunt!
5) Reality TV: useless, pointless 'entertainment' designed only to suck the IQ points direct from your head. Nothing good ever came of reality TV. Give me a good old fashioned drama or comedy any day of the week. All the shows and anybody who ever appeared in one goes in the flames - not one person spared!
6) Cunt London Bus Drivers: They drive like demented fucking monkeys who have just been introduced to Super Mario Kart. And when you ask them to go a bit easy on the breaks they give you a mouthful of verbals. The only time these fucksicles don't hit the breaks is when they are driving through red lights.
7) Back-seat DJs: They have also been called iSods, but I prefer my tag better. These selfish, no mannered cunts make the lives of all decent commuters that much more unpleasant. They pump out two watts of tinny, sybillant shit from the speaker of their mp3 playing mobile phones. I wouldn't mind so much but the music they play is always the worst shite imaginable. The kind of R n' B that even R. Kelly would turn his nose up at (and his music is bad enough)! I have two words for them: use headphones!
8) R n' B: I fucking loathe this music. And to think that this tuneless dirge derived from soul and funk and rhythm and blues. The exponents of R n' B aren't fit to lick the arseholes of Aretha Franklin, Sam and Dave, Otis Redding, Marvin Gaye, Curtis Mayfield or any other soul legend you can think of.
9) Bigots: bigotry makes this world a shittier place for all who live in it. It doesn't matter whether it is hatred of other creeds and colours or if it is hatred of women or religion or sexuality. Bigotry is fucking pointless. Just imagine how much nicer the world would be if we all just accepted that people are generally the same the world over.
10) My former boss: a useless, lying fat cunt who cares more for his yacht and his image than his employees. His existence has absolutely no point. At the end of my employment it was something akin to hell on earth. Shite. Total shite!
And that's yer lot. I nominate la fille mariée, Fwengebola and Fussy Bitch to nominate those they would like to dispose of in the imaginary incinerator.
I am going to give my list of ten abominations (regardless of whether they're people, things, places or situations) that are destined to go in the fucking incinerator forever, with no reprieve or mercy!
I will then nominate others to give their list of ten (if they choose to then nominate others then that is up to them) and they can either vent vent vent or not. The choice is theirs!
Here goes (swear alert):
1) Boy Bands: useless fucking cunts with absolutely no artistic merit or talent. Worthless, prancing pretty boy motherfuckers. Every one of them goes in the incinerator, not one person spared. Oh, you're now an actor Justin? Fuck you, and burn in the flames you Leo Sayer haired fuck!
2) Martin Lawrence: you bellowing, talent-lite, jug-eared, racist homunculoid fuck. His comedy involves nothing more than shouting, mugging and taking the piss out of women and whites. He has all the comic timing and subtlety of a fucked corpse. About as funny as being told you've contracted ebola. Has never made a single funny film. A cunt of the highest order.
3) George W. Bush: worthless, brainless, riding on daddy's coat-tails, paranoid, crusading, born-again Christian, oil thirsty cock-knocking fuck! The most dangerous man on the planet, but too fucking stupid to realise it.
4) Tony Blair: brown-nosing, cowardly, greedy, hypocritical cunt. George's little poodle has helped make the world a more dangerous place. He has overseen Britain's largest ever disparity between rich and poor (even more so than Thatcher). Has overseen the erosion of freedoms in Britain and he has helped create a strand of British politics that favours image over content. He. Is. A. Cunt!
5) Reality TV: useless, pointless 'entertainment' designed only to suck the IQ points direct from your head. Nothing good ever came of reality TV. Give me a good old fashioned drama or comedy any day of the week. All the shows and anybody who ever appeared in one goes in the flames - not one person spared!
6) Cunt London Bus Drivers: They drive like demented fucking monkeys who have just been introduced to Super Mario Kart. And when you ask them to go a bit easy on the breaks they give you a mouthful of verbals. The only time these fucksicles don't hit the breaks is when they are driving through red lights.
7) Back-seat DJs: They have also been called iSods, but I prefer my tag better. These selfish, no mannered cunts make the lives of all decent commuters that much more unpleasant. They pump out two watts of tinny, sybillant shit from the speaker of their mp3 playing mobile phones. I wouldn't mind so much but the music they play is always the worst shite imaginable. The kind of R n' B that even R. Kelly would turn his nose up at (and his music is bad enough)! I have two words for them: use headphones!
8) R n' B: I fucking loathe this music. And to think that this tuneless dirge derived from soul and funk and rhythm and blues. The exponents of R n' B aren't fit to lick the arseholes of Aretha Franklin, Sam and Dave, Otis Redding, Marvin Gaye, Curtis Mayfield or any other soul legend you can think of.
9) Bigots: bigotry makes this world a shittier place for all who live in it. It doesn't matter whether it is hatred of other creeds and colours or if it is hatred of women or religion or sexuality. Bigotry is fucking pointless. Just imagine how much nicer the world would be if we all just accepted that people are generally the same the world over.
10) My former boss: a useless, lying fat cunt who cares more for his yacht and his image than his employees. His existence has absolutely no point. At the end of my employment it was something akin to hell on earth. Shite. Total shite!
And that's yer lot. I nominate la fille mariée, Fwengebola and Fussy Bitch to nominate those they would like to dispose of in the imaginary incinerator.
posted by The Nothing Man at 13.1.07
5 Comments:
Ooooooo. Thanks for the tag, NN! I feel honoured that you think I might be able to hate as effectively and comprehensively as you do.
You've already covered some of the biggies, like George W, and boy bands. I will try to live up (actually, live down) to your expectations.
I doubt I can come anyway near that fantastic rant but I'll certainly try.
Done. Sheesh, that was hard.
You really are a funny, funny man, NN... and you make it look so easy.
See... shameless flattery is much more my strength.
And sex.
LFM and FB, good on you both for taking the challenge!
oh fuck! now who is who's alter ego??
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