Humbuggery

I'm putting my year in review, in the spirit of Xmas and in the dying embers of 2007. Some of it is good, some is bad and most of it is a source of indifference to anybody but me.

I've written 70,000+ words of a novel. It's still another 50,000 words from completion but it's getting there. It's a violent crime novel (more Jim Thompson than Raymond Chandler) and it has some autobiographical character elements but it is 100% fiction. I don't know how good it is (or how bad) but having re-read some early sections it appears to read quite well. After a life of unfinished projects I will fucking finish this one. I'm sick of leaving things incomplete. It's time I finished something. Even if this one fails, I know the next one will be better!

I've split up with my girlfriend of nearly four years. Sometimes I have regrets about it all, and I definitely regret the way I handled some of it and some of the things I did, but I think we did the right thing. She seems to have moved on well, we're still good friends, and I wish her all the best for the future. I, on the other hand, have moved sideways - partly because of the novel - and partly because I don't know what I want yet despite the fact that I'm hurtling headfirst towards my 36th birthday.

I immediately followed that up with a relationship with a 24-year old co-worker. When it started we were good friends. I made the mistake of compartmentalising it into a fuckbuddy thing. It ended. Now we don't fuck and we aren't really buddies either; we drink in the same group but we don't talk like we used to and I doubt she considers me a proper friend any more. I wish I'd handled it differently but c'est la fucking vie!

I've had a couple of one-night stands, including one that involved an unpleasant case of drink-related 'Mr Floppy'. It had nothing to do with the lady concerned. I've realised that once you hit a certain age you can't really knock back the booze, do several late nights running and still expect to perform at tip-top level. C'est la fucking vie.

I then progressed on to another co-worker relationship. This one was a total bumping uglies clusterfucker of the highest order. She has a boyfriend and I should never have started anything with her. But I did. We had sex twice. But she was prepared to leave her boyfriend for me. I didn't want that. I wasn't ready for it. I maybe should have made that clear. However I didn't tell her till the work's Xmas party. The next thing I know she was crying on everybody's shoulder telling them I lead her down the garden path. Suddenly, people were on my back having a go at me. She said I still have feelings for my now ex co-worker. Of course, I denied this as it was untrue. However, I did say I wished we were still friends. Other things happened during the evening. Eventually I ended up leaving the party in a foul mood. We haven't spoken since and better yet we are going to be working right next to each other in January and February. Also, a couple of friends aren't talking to me either and I'm not talking to them. Maybe I should - particularly as we were all such good friends - but I'm a stubborn cunt and I've dug my heels in. I'll think about thawing the frost in the New Year but I doubt we'll be such good friends in 2008. Oh well, c'est la fucking vie!!

I'm still happy in my job. I work with a good team and hopefully, despite having to work next to the above co-worker in the first couple of months of the new year, this will continue during 2008.

These aren't resolutions but they are what I will do in 2008:

Keep off the weight I lost in 2006. I'll tone up a bit as well. I want to see my abs!

Finish the first draft of my novel and finish the first draft of an earlier project (which is about 12,000 words in and is ostensibly a sort of sequel to the first project). I'll see if I can get a second draft done too!

Do a bit of dating and see what happens. Hopefully someone right will come along. They won't be perfect but, then again, neither am I, but - knowing what I know now about relationships - I'll try to do my best and accept them for who they are. We'll see!!

Chip away at my debts. Get a second weekend job and use that money to pay off my debts. And also use some of the money for a bit of travelling.

Travel to two new places this year. St Petersburg and somewhere in central or South America. I'm sick of hearing about other people's travel stories. I want some of my own.

Maybe blog a bit more too!

See you in 2008